morvium

 

I had to go get groceries today.
I was out of everything.  Seriously.  I had two eggs, a stick and a half of butter, some rice (in regular long grain form and as stick noodles), a can of pumpkin, and half a jar of General Tso Sauce in my cupboard.   
So I ituned down two EPs (Goldfrapp / A&E with remixes for driving with the windows down - and Trentmoller / Moan for after-dark), shaved my head, and motored off to the stores.  I picked up the pedestrian staples at Rain-Blow, and while I was there decided to break in the 5 quart cast iron dutch oven I Love Lodge!) that was an Xmas Present.  It was quite busy in the store.  After surveying the contents of the meat department, I decided on doing a little pot roast.  One of my boyhood friends had worked in produce at a suburban Rainbow and would often regale me with stories of his job.  Like the time he found a baby sitting on a large display of grapes while it's mother searched nearby for the perfect apple.  Thus I don't buy veggies there.  I prefer to force myself to believe that my chances of getting a plague from some dirty diaper produce are lessened if I just go to a different store.  I rolled over to Lunds and got potatoes, carrots, an onion, bread, and a few other things I forgot at store number 1.  
So I seared the pot roast - chopped and added veggies - poured on the beef stock - did the mortar & pestle spice thing - then put the dutch oven in at 350 for about 2 hours.  Once it was over, I used the remaining broth to make gravy.  The interior surfaces of the dutch oven were coated with concentrated beef flavor gunk, and it came out amazing.  After portioning out my dinner, I sealed up the leftovers. 
Since my Lodge Dutch Oven came pre-seasoned, the best way to clean it is to use hot water and a stiff brush.  No Soap.  Soap stripped the seasoning (oil) out of the pores in the cast iron.  Re-seasoning is an enormous pain in the ass and essentially impossible in a studio apartment with hardwired smoke detectors.  So I know to clean it as soon as possible after cooking.  After you scrub it, you are to give it a light coat of cooking lube spray - or a thin rubdown of vegetable oil while the dutch oven is still warm to the touch.  
I don't have any spray oil.
I moistened a paper towel with vegetable oil and began the massaging the Lodge logo.

As a word of caution to anyone who might own a 5 quart Lodge Dutch Oven, and find yourself performing this simple task:  Don't Lube The Handles Until You Have Lubed All Other Surfaces.

It fell all of a half an inch onto the stove top.
I actually thought the Earth was going to crack asunder.
It was so loud that I felt the need to say "Whoops, Sorry!" in a loud voice in case a neighbor thought I dropped the refrigerator.

So I was recently reading some entries on customers_suck and one caused a nice remembrance.
The entry was about some kid who got harassed by a jehovah's witness while at work.
The hundreds of responses delineated into a litany of defensive tactics others had used against the door-to-door preachers.

They reminded me of My Favorite Boss.
She was a fun lady, caring but caustic..a real-life-roseanne.
So when the mormons stopped by to spread the word, she invited them in and put them to work.

It started out as "You look like big strong boys, I'll let you try to convert me if you help me move this couch."  
They kept coming back, day after day, and she kept coming up with more chores for them to do.
It took them a week to realize that she was not interested in god in the slightest.
But before the week was over she had  them assemble a bookshelf, vacuum her house, clean her garage, wash her car, and mow her lawn.

 i just want it to be spring already
i want to be able to open my windows and air this place out
i want drizzle and baby thunderstorms
and thawing earth
and 
and
and
and i'm really sick of scraping frost off my windshield at 2 in the morning

I'm at work and I'm starving.

My fridge is empty because I've been swinging from either too busy or too lazy to go grocery shopping.
I'm down to odd condiments, rice, cereal (no milk), 2 cans of cream o chicken, 2 cans of diced tomatos in olive oil, assorted popsicles, one frozen puff pastry shell, and 4 packs of frozen roasted butternut squash ravioli.

Last night at work was a nightmare.  It was New Years Eve Part 2.  I managed to stuff a banana down my throat at 5am.  When I got home, I crashed out and slept until almost 8pm.  I opted for Kitty Kitty Play Time instead of trying to devise a dinner scheme, figuring I could just order a pizza at work.

So when I walk in, the evening shift informs me that there are 2 pizzas in the breakroom to choose from.
I get started on my work.  Run some reports.  Zone out.  Etc.
Around 10:15 I decide to check out the pizzas.

It tuns out that one was a disgusting unrefrigerated melange of chicken and peppers on flat crust - AND it's riddled with mushrooms.  The other was three slices of Dominos - 2 undercooked cheese / 1 edible pepperoni.

I nuked the pepperoni until it was glowing and then let it cool to mouth temp.


I'm still hungry.

 

 I keep seeing posts about female employees being hit on at work and how they wear (fake) wedding rings to dissuade their paramours.

As a public service to women everywhere, I would like to announce:
Men don't notice jewelry...they're too busy staring at your boobs.

A better tactic would be to laugh derisively at them.  Mocking laughter is never sexy.
Or just respond with, "I'm in love with you and want to get married and have your baby!"


 

This morning, as I stepped outside for my final cigarette break, 
it immeidately started snowing.
Big giant 3 in flakes drifting slowly to the ground.
They were so large that I could pick an individual flake over 6 stories up and follow it all the way to the street.
It was like a movie...except it was real snow, not potato flakes or cotton fluff, or whatever they are using for snow on film these days.